Love, Actually was released two years after 9/11 and the London Attacks. The world was urging for some wholesome stories and Love, Actually gave us just that. 10 “love stories” that are intertwined with one another. We were so desperate for something that made us feel good that we completely ignored the fact that the majority of the stories aren’t actual love stories and a lot are insanely creepy. It is kind of strange that we all love this film so much that we watch it every holiday season and even though I have acknowledged that every year when I watch it, it gives me constant rage, I’m not taking off my must-watch holiday list. 

Let’s dive into each relationship. 

Rufus 

The only wholesome part of the movie. Rufus is just a retailer worker who is dedicated to his job and wants to make Christmas gifts as festive and beautiful as can be. Rufus must be protected at all cost. 

John & Judy 

What was the point of this? 

David & Natalie

David and Natalie are the less creepy story in Love, Actually but the most powerful man in the UK starts his job and already abusing his power by dating one of his staffers?! 

Mark + Peter + Juliet 

Where do I begin with this one? Mark is top of the line of the creepy factor. First off, why did Mark bring his own video camera to his best friend’s wedding to ONLY film his soon to be wife? Aren’t there obligations to do as a Best Man? Is he masturbating to the video? WHAT WAS THE REASON? I’m so confused as to why he needed to do this. Then, he decides to show up on Christmas DAY to Juliet & Peter's house with SNL cue cards to proclaim his love to her. How didn’t Juliet file for a restraining order against Mark? Mark is the “nice” guy who gets mad that all the girls do not want to date him. NO, IT’S YOU MARK! 

Colin

Colin thinks he can’t get girls because he lives in the UK, and he needs to be in America because American girls are not stuck up. No, he treats women terribly, and that’s why they want nothing to do with him. He moves to the midwest, and immediately he gets 3 “hot” midwest girls to want to sleep with him. What in the male gaze is this? But to be honest, the bar is so low for men that this could possibly happen solely on the fact he has an accent. But 3 girls is a stretch. He’s uber creepy and gross.  

Harry & Karen

DON’T GET ME STARTED WITH HOW AWFUL HARRY IS. Another one using abusing their power to date their staff. But in general, Harry was a dick. He was married for 13 years and forgets his wife loves Joni Mitchell and then decides to buy her a CD of a Joni Mitchell CD she probably already owns. Not even a special edition of the album. Then he had the nerve to get frustrated at King Rufus when he was just trying to make his gift for his MISTRESS festive and beautiful. TRASH! I will never forgive how he made Queen Karen feel like shit. 

Sarah & Karl 

Not creepy at all but every time I watch it, I'm so frustrated that she has to pick up the phone. She must really love her brother because I wouldn’t pick up for any family members if that beautiful man was under me. Sorry, not sorry. But the emotional and mental turmoil she dealt with her brother, I really hope she seeks some self-care, even if it has nothing to do with her long-standing crush, Karl. 

Billy Mack

Just gross.

Sam & Joanna

Not sure why men err boys in this particular instinct cannot figure out how to communicate to girls they are interested in instead of doing a grand gesture that kind of forces girls/women to give in and say yes. 

Also forgot how much they shit on Americans in this movie. There’s a scene where Prime Minister David calls the US President a bully. LMFAO if only they knew true bullying will occur 13 years later.