For months I felt like I was missing something significant in my life. I figured maybe it could be lack of adventures or not enough mozzarella sticks in the world. However, none of those were able to fill that void. Then I realized I was missing my favorite wacky ladies of the Upper East Side as the Real Housewives of New York returned to our television screens last night. There will never be a bond quite like the one I have with these crazy wealthy women.
This week was the 10th anniversary of the show being on air and the first episode didn’t disappoint at all. It was Halloween and the cast members wore iconic women costumes. Dorinda pounding martinis after martini while dressed as Lady Gaga in her bubble costume, slurring her words and repeating herself to anyone who would listen to her (was it Andy Samberg or Adam Sandler?), reminds us why we love her. Dorinda is an awesome woman sober but she goes above and beyond when she is ten drinks in and always gives us the best one liners while she’s at it. LuAnn was freshly divorced from her soulmate, Tom, after seven months of matrimony; walked in the party in blackface and a wig that looked like Gerald from Hey, Arnold; she was Diana Ross. Incredibly problematic, but LuAnn is one of the greatest housewives of all-time which means I’m going to give her a pass. Before the episode ended it was yet another great Bethenny vs Ramona drunken argument over who knows what and both trying to make their point valid but using a fake microphone as if it works. Like, these women are insane and deserve to be inducted in the Reality TV Smithsonian Museum (which doesn’t exist but should) for constantly delivering comedy without even trying.
RHONY was my gateway drug to my love of the Housewives franchises. As much as I love the other franchises, Real Housewives of New York is top tier one of the greatest reality shows of all-time. Let me show you the way of how much I love them. I remember attending an ex boyfriend’s album release party at the Hudson Hotel and former RHONY housewife, Kelly Bensimon was in attendance and I had to try my hardest not to geek out that we were breathing the same air. I didn’t even like her on the show. After a night of partying in the Lower East Side, a friend and I were walking around the area having a drunken heart to heart when we stumbled upon Jill Zarin’s Zarin Fabric store and I squealed. My friend was highly confused as to why I was freaking out over a fabric store in the middle of the night. When I worked at Barney’s restaurant, Fred’s, Sonja tried to cut the brunch waiting list for a table but my manager said she wasn’t famous enough to get a table immediately. If Sonja ever reads this, you were famous enough in my heart and I would have sat you at one of our best tables. In summer ’16 in Cleveland, I felt very alone because I didn’t know many people in the area; I spent most of my days re-watching every episode from Season 1 while drinking Whispering Angel Rose. Although writing this out for you makes it sound insanely sad and lonesome, it really helped make that summer not seem so lame.
Before the episode ended last night, they showed a preview of what’s in store the upcoming installment and you can tell, Bethenny, Carole, LuAnn, Sonja with a sexy J, Ramona, Tinsely and Dorinda made sure to give us a stellar season. I mean, LuAnn got arrested right during taping. It almost brought a tear to my eye because I know they are going to bring me so much joy. We are truly lucky to have these women on our television screens.