My entire life I have been a quiet, shy girl. I always had strong opinions, but careful of who I share them with. I speak up and show off my real personality to people I believe deserve to experience it. I know that might sound odd to some people, but everyone doesn't deserves my time and energy. I’ve always been comfortable of knowing that about myself, even when most people are uncomfortable with the fact I am not as friendly as they’d like. The only struggle I’ve had with my personality is not being able to stand up for myself at the current time, until recently.
I used to get bullied in my school years, up until college and I never knew exactly how to handle when people treated me poorly. My mom was a great person who would make sure authorities were aware of how I was treated in school to keep the bullying at bay. I know a lot of millennials still struggle with the aftermath of adolescent bullying, but I know that's just part go the growing pains. However, I look back and just wish I spoke up a little more for myself.
I personally don't believe I experience bullying as an adult outside of school, however, I do experience people who believe it's okay to treat me terribly. Whether it being a friend, a coworker, or a lover, no matter what they would do that would hurt my feelings, I’d wait until I reached my breaking point to express my dissatisfaction with them. Which isn’t always a good thing, especially because my breaking point is normally when I go Annie Wilkes from Misery on people, minus the whole breaking someone’s ankle part. There’s never a nice medium, it’s either sweet Brittny or just straight vicious Brittny.
I mentioned before how I am not too keen on New Year’s resolutions, but I felt it was important for me to make little changes within myself to improve my quality of life. Because even though I wasn't completely happy with certain aspect in my life I couldn't change, being able to tell people to improve their behavior is something I could actually change to live a better life. But in all honestly, I can't take full credit on this new path I have taken, it was my therapist who said I needed to work on this. I just procrastinated on actively working on it until the new year approached. My therapist explained to me to start small and work my way up to bigger issues.
I’m quiet and nice (that’s up for debate, but let’s go with it for now), and I believe many like to take advantage of that, which might be the reason I have become very selective of who is allowed in my inner circle. But, I have to remind myself when people try to pull the wool over my eyes, that I have to speak up immediately in order for them to not believe this is how to be friends with me. And now that I have enough dating experiences (I was a late bloomer), I will not tolerate with anything that doesn’t feel like I’m being respected (especially in a relationship). Because for some reason this current batch of men believes they can treat women however they feel like, it's truly baffling. By the time they get to me, I’m done. I will cut their throats with words when they decide to pull something they shouldn’t. Plus, I don't want to be in a relationship where a guy doesn't fully respect me in any capacity.
However, after years of not standing up for myself, I have come to a space where it’s no longer a scary territory. I swear, one day I just woke up and I was over with dealing with bullshit. Some people are and will not be a fan of it what they hear, but I no longer feel bad to give them insight on how I feel, because my feelings are important and should be valued. After I express my feelings, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off of me. I'm a straight shooter with my words and how I believe I want to be treated or how someone should treat others, and it's a hard pill to swallow.
I wish I seek this earlier in my life, but sometimes you must go through a lot of ups and downs to move you to the point where you grow mentally. And I believe being in my 30’s has a lot to do with it. These last two years have been constant shedding of new skin into the person I’ve always wanted to become.
I say all of this because I want for not only myself to continue on this path but for you to join me as well. If your feelings are hurt, say something even if it scares the hell out of you to do it. Our feelings are valid and deserve to be respected.
Here’s to no longer accepting people treating me like shit.